I recently lost my best friend/ Girlfriend. She didn't die or anything like that but my own reaction to life's road blocks combined with laziness and immaturity in some aspects drove her away. I know everyone gets emotional and poetic with proximity to their latest relationships, but I do know that Iv lost something/ someone really special and irreplaceable and its been a real struggle to pick myself back up at times. I know in someways and even posting this, makes it look as though I'm overly beating myself up or throwing a pity party, but looking at the situation and looking at how I'v let life push me around makes it pretty clear that she has a good reason for leaving.
In the past i'v been an extremely independent person, I don't tend to be around a great deal of people or seek out many friends. But when life started to get scary or upsetting I would continuously seek her out for shelter and support instead of facing it and growing. At times she was the only thing getting me up out of bed and the only thing I could do in return is say, "Things are going to be really great in the future were going to have so much" the only future I was providing was dreams while she would go above and beyond her means to help me.
Its taken a lot of self reflection and a combination of talking with friends and family to really sort out what it is I have to do, both for myself and for hopefully a future with her. I do know that one of the number one things among figuring out finances, living situation, and other things of that nature is to relearn how to be independent. I'v recently come to the conclusion though that being independent is not only an extremely hard thing to learn while being upset but also.. You cant really prove it... Its a difficult trait to fix because at no point can you go to the other person and say, "Look at how independent I am now" because it kinda proves you aren't. And that's all a scary thought it seems like it leaves so much for chance, but there's nothing you can do but back off and hope in time the other person sees whats become of you. And its very difficult to live with that as your driving force and last thought when it seems like all this work; which is worth while for yourself, may not come across to your other half.
So that's kinda the mindset of where I am now. Iv done all the traditional stuff that one can do to try to show change and prove a difference. I think TV and movies fool us into this idea that it only takes an understanding of the issues a relationship faces to move forward and fix things between two people. But in reality it looks like it will take more effort and some time apart because no combination of words fixes whats happened.
Last week I sold the TV, am working on selling the video games and cutting more of the distractions out of my life. Its time for focus and time to work at building a future. So with that said, while I'm finishing up a long painting for a friend (which Ill post below), I took the time I would be spending on unnecessary breaks and have started a plethora of side projects, poems, books, graphic novels, more paintings, and some different types of prints.
Below Is one of the first side projects I finished up a decent sized block print
Below a few more shots of the prints as well as the actual block, some turned out better then others.
I also jussst finished another block and tried a few prints, while images load and get sorted through the tubes.
I really liked this piece by artist Matt Smith, unfortunately I cant find a blog or even an Etsy store to send you to to pick this piece up from him.
A few oil Paintings. The first I'v put on hiatus for the time being while I finish up some other pieces, the he other ones are small little paintings for practice I never got around to showing but really kinda liked.
This last piece is what I have been working on for a good friend. Still a little ways off but getting further every day. (I keep getting bogged down in those details, such as below)
Thank you everyone whose been helping me out, and has helped me in the past. Its been tough but I'v got to just keep going and work hard and make something that's really worth coming back to.
Gabriel (Demo) Yaden